أنا أحب الله.

♥ Like a hard candy with a surprise center.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

When I woke up, I used my sister's laptop right away. Then I looked outside the window, my heart felt a sudden miss of someone. I looked down and heaved a heavy sigh. How much I already moved on, you will still feel the presence of that someone. But when it comes to my permanent decision, I won't do anything but look forward. This is what's best for me. How much the sweet, loving memories hold me back from going forward, my heart just wants me to move on and I am glad I already did. But, I still want to be friends. Nothing more. I felt all this while, I've learnt something but our everything just faded slowly. I shall end this para with a smile. :)

You know whattttt........ I have not shower. Haha! Smelly right! :D I know. I usually find food. I should shower now before my parents come home and yell their heads off. I want to go to my grandparents' house today I guess. So much of meeting FI yesterday, that person had work -.- Hahahaha. I have doubts now. Wakakaka! =D

Take care! (L)

♥ So I won't be waiting, anticipating for the fall.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

All the best to Fresh Flava for today! I know you can do it! Love you guys a lot! Amin. Let's make this post short and simple alright? Nadya was at RP yesterday and I was overjoyed, really! Haha! Something embarassing happened yesterday. I tried this jersey on and I wore it backwards -.- Not only that, my pink stripes underwear was exposed. Oh, the agony! A usual laughing stock am I. Cis.

To: Oh-You-Will-Find-Out-Soon,-Just-Continue-Reading

I think about taking chances and risks, for a better change for myself. I can't continue living in doubts and on-going pain or what I might call it, numbness. Numb numb numb. You always come and go. Let's see what will happen now. You know what, I think you wouldn't care at all. That is so you. So self-centered. I have never been straight forward before. You never ever appreciated me and you never notice. Don't say sorry, cause I am not breaking. Your apologies are shit. I can't take it anymore. WHAT DO I LACK?! Really. I have always give in and I've always been the positive one. I should have followed my friends' advices from start. I KNOW ALL YOUR FLAWS, INSIDE OUT. And I am really surprise how much I could take in all your shenanigens and still hope, hope for a miracle.

I know all my wrong doings to you but you never knew yours to me. What is this crap?! You even have forgotten my age recently when you already know me like for more than two years. You know how to lie and handle all those sweet words. You know how to make me feel better when actually, when coming to the absolute truth. YOUR MAKING ME FEEL WORSER. You did a lot of sins behind my back. Why am I so stupid to hold on? You know what, my thumbdrive is lost. Our folder is in it. Our only folder of memories. Lost and gone. I never save elsewhere. Good. I am nothing to you. You come to me whenever you feel like it and go when you couldn't be bothered. I have always been looked as the "bad one." What total poo. I DON'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE and you know that I've told you before. You love me is it? LIAR. So much for lying. Just because you don't get what you want then you make a big come back to me?! You love to see me being trampled on right. Oh wait, I guess you will love to not see me again the most I guess. Standard.

This has happened a lot of times, COUNTLESS actually. I am the one suffering and hurting until I feel so numb. Don't keep promises. You kept too much and none works out because of you. I AM NOT THE PROBLEM, IT IS YOU. Enough said, we don't deserve each other. Especially me.

Thanks MFBA, thanks. This is the last goodbye. Wait, I haven't return your things. You can continue finding some chica now.

So much for a short and simple post. Done and over.

REST WELL! (L)

♥ My heart sinked in and it was not a sign of sadness.

Monday, November 30, 2009

I was really mad just now. I was pissed. I wished I could overcome my feelings easily and how I wished there was really a chill pill that I can consume. I am really fine now. It just takes a little breather, not more that 25 minutes. Then my heart would settle down. I am sorry if I had vent my feelings towards anyone of y'all. My sincere apology.

My parents are going to the polyclinic today because my dad needs to see the doctor. Mother promised me to change my bank book to a POSB card today but since there are other plans. That's okay. I went to Kak Liy's house yesterday and it was a blast despite her cute, little sister throwing tantrums. I don't mind actually. I have yearned for a little sibling, so much actually. No wonder I have god sisters and god brothers.

I have nothing to babble about.

Rest Well! (L)

♥ There's something about the way you...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

-
Heyyyyyyyy world. Guess why I am not sleeping? I don't know either! Hah. Little weird me. I am suppose to sleep and wake up at 6 in the morning to get ready to go to school for KSS's Open House. Hmm, pretty excited because I some how miss school. I hope I will be able to wake up early or else I am afraid that Shereen might chop off my head and feed it to big black crows O.O Oooo, the violence. Haha! I can't wait to see the rest of the girls tomorrow! Tomorrow will be Dellysda's death. Muahaha! Oh poo poo poo. I need to bring an apron and two table cloths. Huhu!

But I will be leaving early because I am going to attend Dance Xplosion with my pillars. Woohoo~ MY NOSE IS ITCHY AND SMOOTH AND ITCHYYYY... Oh well, and shiny too! I am listening to Black Eyed Peas's song, "Where Is The Love". Jyeaaaaaaaaaah. Hmm. I miss listening to old songs. It brings back memories. Anyways, Hari Raya Haji was awesooooommmmeeeee! I got to meet my nephews! Yay! And the rest of my family. I ate a lot just. Well, mostly everyday! I have no idea whether I want to lose or gain weight. -.- Tsktsktsk. Wajdi makes me super angry for being so cuteeeee! Aww, I miss pinching his cheeks. I LOVE BABIES' BUTTS. SO CUTE LIKE ONE KIND. I LOVE BABIES' FATS TOO. WAKAKAKA! =D BTW, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER. TRY TO FIND ME. *winks*

I want to go to the beach soon with...well. I am not quite sure myself. *frowns* A date? Macam-macam la Syiqin. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

BYEBYE! (L)

♥ We had a million questions all about our lives.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I am listening to the song, Grease Lightning, and I feel like dancing already! Dance prac with my pillars yesterday was awesome, seriously! I love the choreography! Thanks L! =D Hahaha! I had a gym session with my beloved Dellysda and Iffah yesterday too! I woke up at 10 in the morning when I supposed to reach Dellysda's crib at 9! That is me! Haha! I think I know why. I had a fun coversation with F.M on the phone! No wonderrrr! =D Haha! Didn't do much at the gym, I felt like lying on the floor and roll over like a mad woman. I was not in the gym mood. Haha! I love watching them worked out. So sexyyyyyy~ (;

So, I've heard readers do not like to read long blog posts like mine. Haha! I am so upseeeet! Nah, I shall shorten my post alright to make you all feel a lot better! My lap is kind of itchy now and my neck is always in pain! -.- Sister is not home yet! I guess she is sleeping over at her friend's or something. That means that I can have her laptop all to myself! I am selfish, I know that. Hah!

I am really, really sad but I don't show it. I guess that I am too nice that I feel sometimes, it is unfair. My body language really shows my behaviour. I am weak at some point and I know I may not be the best. Well, people could tell me the truth without giving me any other futile reasons. I won't be needing it. I can take it the pain. I am not sensitive anymore. Please, this is a favour. Be truthful. *frowns*

Rest Well! (L)

♥ Reasons to trust you and reasons for me to believe

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Blogger has not really been such a big deal right now for me. I rarely blog so I want to apologize to my daily readers that I don't blog as much as I use to. I have been really busy recently and when I meant by really busy is that I don't have time to juggle a million of things and neither a few. I even don't have time for myself. I really don't mind though being packed with activities than wasting my time at home doing futile things but I got to learn to spend equality time with almost everyone that is important in my life. I am so thankful that having religious classes every Saturday to keep my mind at ease even if it clashes with other important events.

From what I experienced, the fun of the holidays that we go through would always be near to its end and I just dislike the fact of it. I want to gather so much fun of my holidays so that it could be a meaningful one. Homework is given fairly and I will make sure that there won't be any excuses of not doing any of the assignments or so.

I am currently sleeping at my cousin's house and how much I miss the whole bunch of them! =D I am always so hungry at night! I ate Sambal Goreng and Durians! Amazing, right? Macam beruuuukkkkk! Hah! I hope those fats will eventually end up at my lower legs 'cuz they really need them! I got taik mata now and I don't like it! Not only that, my prepaid is lowwwwww! Kesian Kak Azza that she is suffering from a headache now!

I visited both of my nephews and I was elated! Wooooohoooooooo~ Damn. Now I feel there are boogers in my nose and I feel like digging them. Oh well. Until the next post, Insya Allah =)

CONGRATULATIONS TO MY PILLARS FOR MAKING IT TO THE FINALS! WE CAN DO IT! =D ALHAMDULLILAH.

REST WELL! (L)

♥ Like you'll never see me again.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Sorry young world for the lack of updates.

I've been packed with essential responsibilities to take care of! That sounds serious, right? I know! :P Hee! I have been spending quality time with my Pillars since yesterday and we are gearing up for a whole lot of exciting opportunities ahead of us that I cannot seem to contain myself! I can't make it for today's photo cum video shoot since I went home late yesterday! Hah! I am sorry. Best of wishes! Maybe I should come. Hmm, I shall show my legendary "puppy" look or what does M call that look, "bibir" to my parents so that they will approve of me going out today! Haha! I love my pillars beyond words!

I am really missing Dellysda right now! Have tons of fun at Sydney my dearest! Bring me a Sydney boyfriend! *slaps* Even I know that fantasy won't come true, just try to bring for me a caucasian teen dude from there babe! I will really appreciate it! Wakakaka! I am in need of $$$$ (!) No lie. I intended to find a job with Shereen and Ameera soon this holiday! Insya Allah. I hope you guys can make it, man! Haha! Remembering the scenes at Ameera's house! Shereen and Ameera disturbed me :( Haha! It was fun though! I strangled Ameera with my legs! Haha! =D Something new. I hope there will be another 3NA outing! Hear this lovelies! Haha!

I saw Iffah Nadhirah and her brother, Firdaus, at yesterday's event at Somerset! Hurraaaaaayyyyyy! At last! Hee! I didn't approach them first :( I am sorry. I think I just discovered an unbelievable character of mine, which is being shy :O The event yesterday was flyyyyyy and thanks Sara for the wonderful photos! Haha! I was relieved that you did not upload one of the photos with my hideous candid face in it! Wakakaka! All hail Sara! =D Kak Chacha did a great job! Freekzy Nuts did a great job too! Same goes to The Roses and Fantastic! Woohoo! Well done!

I guess I am really, really fine being off without you. I hope it will stay this way because you are no longer the most unforgettable distraction ever. Let's end this sentence with a smile. *=)*

Remember that I won't update quite often! Busy busy busy woman -_- Whatever Syiqin. Sleep Syiqin! Taylor Lautner is waiting for me (; Kekeke!

Rest well, loves! (L)

♥ Finally, accomplished something that I thought I couldn't be able to.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hello my readers =)

I know I've not been blogging quite often. Well, this is a good thing though. Blogging is really quite a big distraction. I have finally realise that I am really strong at heart. I could be able to comprehend everything now. Need to say no more. I am walking away, finally. I am so foolish and I am really naive. I guess Im not going to pace myself in that horrible character of mine again. The box is awaiting for you, ...

Parent-Teachers meeting today went out smoothly than what I expected, Alhamdullilah. I will be going to the zoo tomorrow! Yayness! It is going to be a whole lotta fun I tell you! =D Especially, with my pillars! Weet weeeet~ Today marks the last day of school. Well now what, celebrate la! Wakakaka! Nah. There will be classes going on next week. I can endure them. I hope the Pulau Ubin trip is going to be beneficial or else I am going to kill myself. Hah. As if. No la, I will try to find some fun while learning something! Hehe!

I really miss Kak Zimah I tell you! So muchhh. I hope you are doing fine there my dear! Sigh. I love Liy's house! It is like heaven! =D Her refrigerator is like awesome I tell you! I kept eating ice-cream(s) and her fizzy drinks! Haha! I want to sleep over at her crib soon. Hee. I want to go Spooktacular for God's sake! :O I heard the event is really scary! Dellysda couldn't make it because her brother which I love *ehem ehem* I meant her brother's birthday falls on the same day of the event. I understand =) That's okay. There will always be another opportunity right!

Thanks Tas for the Arts Fest's photos! =D I really appreciate it. Hee! My cheek on my right is getting hell lot of worser :O I think I would consider on wasting my money for a fecking facial treatment! Hahahha!

I shall stop here and live my life! =D

Night! (L)

♥ What?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Hello. My sister deleted my account and all my files are gone! Yes! My picture folder, my music folder etc. I am really angry but in a silent way. Ok bye. I dnt feel like talking. *jumps*

♥ You've already got me coming undone.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Sorry for the lack updates, my wonderful people. I am really am. I just came home from meeting my "wifey" since Secondary 1, Dellysda. She really kept me pre-occupied tonight! That's why she is always a good friend. Shereen is a great listening ear at school just now. Thanks sayang =) Not to forget the rest of my girls. Hee!

So, I will be promoted to Secondary 4(NA) next year. Alhamdullilah. But, I am worried for the others a lot. School was quite a bore. I played my Dora and the Explora UNO cards with the girls and my juniors. I kept losing despite how many rounds. Hee! Btw, I am very angry with my sister. N-Levels next year and I am scared like poo now. I need to endure with the tiring timetable next year!

I miss my pillars, Fresh Flava ,& Liy so much. Meet you guys tomorrow! =)

I have no idea where to start and when to stop. I have been trampled over not once, but countless of times. I feel numb most of times, but when I think of the situations I am going through repeatedly, I actually could feel the hurt rubbing against my numb heart. I don't know how to react, I am really helpless and somehow hopeless at the same time. My love was always there, I swear. Even how much I don't deserve this, my love has always stayed. Now, I have silent pauses but thank God, that I am able to control my feelings because I am not weak like what I used to be.

My hopes were to the fullest but it came down crashing. I don't know what I am feeling. Maybe, I am prepared for anything that is going to happen. God, help me in here.

Why am I so vulnerable?

GOODNIGHT (L)